A New Truck

These are the events that happened after I was whipped in the “My Journal and Step-Father” post.  Essentially, two weeks after that on a Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on the front porch doing homework for the next week.  I remember having to sit on a pillow because my backside was still on the mend.  Kim and Jack A. had recently gotten a new truck.  It was red, an extended cab, with a long bed.  My mother needed something reliable for transportation while she’s on the road every week.

My sister was four years old and she and one of the neighbors’ kids were running around the yard.  All of a sudden, Jack A. comes bursting out of the front porch and made a beeline for Suzie.  Suzie and her friend had been running up and down the side of the truck with sticks.  Scratching it all to hell.  Without even thinking about what I was doing, I got in his way.  I said:

“Don’t get mad at Suzie.  I saw what she did and didn’t stop her.”

Immediately, I felt the shift of rage from my sister to me like a laser beam.  He honed in on me and said:

“I guess you thought you could get back at me.”

He grabbed me by the hair at the back of my head and drug me into the house.  He forced me down onto the couch and walked back out to the truck.  During this time, my sister came in and ran straight to my mother.  Kim was in the room she shared with Jack A. watching TV.  They both stayed in the bedroom.  Jack A. came back inside and went straight to his bedroom.  He came back with the razor strap in his hand.  I received five lashes for every scratch Suzie and her friend did to the truck.  It was five LONG scratches.  After the first three lashes, I passed out from the pain since my legs were still healing from the last beating.

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8 thoughts on “A New Truck

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    1. I’ve had 27 concussions that has caused hearing loss in one ear. All but four of them were caused by Jack A. I was thankful when I could black out and not remember. Thank you for being supportive.
      With much respect,
      Phoenix

      1. I don’t know what to say to that. Except that I’m appalled and horrified.
        I hope that I don’t cross any boundaries by asking – if so, you don’t have to answer this and I apologize:
        Do you actually remember most of the things that happened to you? Or is it “lost”? I was already wondering this when I read your post about Jack A. and your mother; the one in which you mention that you were still wearing a diaper, etc. And then you say that you don’t remember what happened next… do you feel that something major happened after this? Or do you think it’s possible that nothing happened?
        I’m asking because I have these big gaps in my memories about the things that happened to me… and I’m not sure if that’s a “good” thing in terms of not feeling how bad it really was, etc. (I wasn’t abused by my parents. I was “just” bullied at school, and it still caused me PTSD…) Sorry for digressing so much.
        You really don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfortable about it. I respect that.
        Best,
        J.

      2. I know that there’s nothing that happened… that it’s one of those watery, random memories. However, I have a dozen + memories that start without a finish. I should be able to see what happened but I can’t. I know that my subconscious is blocking those memories. I KNOW I was molested and raped but I don’t have the memories. This is a blessing. There is a reason that I can’t remember and I don’t want to.
        If I could remember and feel what happened in those moments, I’m not sure what kind of life I could have because emotionally, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I am a stable and well adjusted adult with a loving husband that has never hurt me or disappointed me in any way. We’ve been together for ten years. I have two beautiful little girls that are three and four years old. IF I had those memories and the ability to see and feel what happened, I would never have mad it as far as I have.
        I have been told that I should try hypno-therapy because in order to get over my abuse, I need to know what happened. I whole heartedly disagree with that. There is so much to the human brain that we don’t understand and my subconsciousness is protecting me… I believe that it was supposed to be this way.
        Please forgive me if I am a little long winded in this reply. Don’t ever be afraid of asking questions and please don’t apologize. If my experiences can help someone else by discussing them, I am an open book.
        With much respect,
        Phoenix

  1. I also have very little memory of my childhood. I dont remember much before mid teens. I dont know why and I agree that it is my subconscious protecting me. I dont want to know. Life has enough challenges without it. Im glad you have a loving family and you can now make better memories. Kat

  2. It’s so great to hear that you’re doing so well and that you have your own family now 🙂 I think everything you’re saying makes sense… bringing everything up again would just hurt and cause damage again… ja, there must be reasons why we can’t and don’t remember parts.
    Thank you so much for your honest answer. I really appreciate it.
    Best,
    J.

  3. Phoenix , I cant say anymore than Aallegoric has already said.
    I too am sorry you had to go through this, and angry that this could happen.
    One day he will get his comeuppance, and soon I hope.
    love n hugs
    xxx

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