Poetry: Me, Myself, and a Firefly

I never measured up

I was inadequate

I was lacking

Like being born without an essential piece

Right in the middle of the puzzle

A gaping whole

What was this piece?

What was so lacking?

Maybe it was cumulative

All of the irrecoverable hugs and kisses from the parental units

Lack of effort to have family dinners

The non-existence of constructive and healthy communication

Sparks in my eyes died with each harsh word

With each push and shove

Pieces of my heart splintered each time you turned your back on me

When I cried you would just walk away

I became quiet and subdued when I needed a hug the most

Sealing what was left of my heart behind the shadows of walls

Escaping to the only resource I had left

Me, myself, and a firefly

The time is now and I am still being told I am incomplete

Unworthy of the mother & daughter relationship my friends enjoy

I am lacking and I am wrong because I can cut such a poisonous relationship out of my life

The lamentation being screamed “Blood is thicker than water!”

How can I turn my back?

How can I be so heartless to walk away?

I am only emulating the behaviors I was taught so young.

I am saving myself

I am walking away

I am now whole and complete

The pieces have returned

Stollen back from you

I will no longer be waiting in the wind for you to love me

I am no longer at your convenience

You will never measure up

You are inadequate

You are lacking

You were born without an essential piece

Right in the middle of a puzzle

A gaping hole

My daughters

The jewels of my life

Will never know you

I will lavish on them

The love you never gave

For all of the times you walked away

I will curl them close to my heart

Telling them I love them

You will never measure up

You are inadequate

You are lacking

You were born without an essential piece

I will forever protect myself and the joys of my heart from Y-O-U!!!

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2 thoughts on “Poetry: Me, Myself, and a Firefly

Add yours

  1. Welcome back Phoenix, I can’t tell you how good it is to see you writing again.
    Thanks for your message, I hope your recovery is quick and painless 🙂

    This poem , your words, say so much.
    It’s also a brilliant, positive piece of writing,a statement of fact and intent, leaving no room for misunderstanding. well done for writing this, whilst I can’t imagine it was easy to write, I hope you feel better, sorry wrong word, more settled and happy with yourself and the knowledge that it wasn’t your fault.

    Has Kim seen this?
    I don’t think for one moment she will like it, and and you will probably get more vitriol as a result, but you stick to your guns Phoenix, you ARE in the right here.

    One day she might just wake up to what she did or let happen, and when she does, I hope that realisation really strikes home.

    It’s great to see you back again Phoenix 🙂
    Take care of yourself
    love n hugs
    xxx

    1. Sadly she’s now a drunk. She didn’t drink but on New Years when I was a kid so she didn’t even have that as an excuse for her lack of parenting. Drunks don’t ever realize their mistakes until it’s too late and at this point for me it is. I doubt she’s seen it. She doesn’t have access to my blog or writings but even if she did, it wouldn’t make a difference.
      As always, I appreciate the kind words.

      Phoenix

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