A Dilemma and a Question

Over the last few days I have been pondering this question.  Am I a better/stronger person in spite of Jack A. and Kim or am I a better, stronger person because of Jack A. and Kim?  Alexander Pope was the one that said “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”  For now, forgiveness is not in my future for Jack A. and Kim.  This may or may not change but inside this self-centered mentality is an unrealistic pride that circles around this question.  I do not, and at this time, will not give them credit for the person that I am today.  However there is this niggling thought at the back of my head that won’t let me forget that without the experiences of my life, I may not be where I am today.

I would like to hear your thoughts on this question.  Please let me know what you think…


9 thoughts on “A Dilemma and a Question

Add yours

  1. Hi Phoenix,
    I think you are who you are in spite of them.
    Because of them, you have known things that no one should have to deal with, and have determined that you will never fall into that trap or allow anything like their disgraceful behaviour to happen to your children.

    In spite of all the things they have done,things that should have and could have broken you mentally and physically,you have grown up to be a loving caring responsible mother and to one of the bravest people I’ve ever met.

    In my opinion, because of that strength, I think you would be married, with children, just like you are now.. perhaps with happier memories of earlier life, but still in more or less the same kind of life. ( sorry, that’s not come out how i’ve meant it to,but I hope you can understand what i’m trying to say. )

    As for forgiveness…..it may be divine to forgive, but you ( and me) are just human.
    All these things didn’t happen to me, I only know them through you, and I couldn’t forgive them.
    If they were members of my family I would have nothing to do with them again ever, regardless of blood and parentage… as for Jack A, the words burn , hell, and eternity seem very appropiate.
    Hope you are ok Phoenix, the whole world is in shock over the tragic events on Friday, they showed the pictures of the children on the tv yesterday, their little faces so full of life, it was heartbreaking…
    May they rest in peace.
    love n hugs

  2. It is both: because and in spite. These two people did not care what became of your life, obviously. So in spite of their total disregard for your feelings and well being, you became a strong, intelligent woman. You are so strong because of the experiences you’d had that have brought on endurance of a unimaginable kind.

    1. I know that you are right and as much as I wish it weren’t because it gives them credit where credit isn’t due. Thank you for your kind words. With much respect,

      1. But the credit goes all to you. It is yours what to make of the experiences they gave you. You chose to make the best of your life. Thank you for sharing your experiences with others.

  3. As the spouse of someone who had a truly unpleasant upbringing due to a psychotic mother and a brain dead father I can say that I believe the answer to your question is “both”. I have an amazing devoted and kind husband who most likely got that way simply because he didn’t want to be like his parents. Who the hell cares why you are who you are? Give credit where it’s due even if you cringe while doing it. If you turned out great then thank them as you walk away. Trust me the fact that you are happy is a huge kick in the face to someone who only wanted to keep you down 🙂

  4. Forget those things behind and move forward. Forgiveness will make “YOU” whole , bitterness ruins the soul.
    Thank you for visiting my blog today. I appreciate the time you took to stop by. May your day be filled with joy and peace.

  5. Growing up with an abusive step-mother, I’ve always believed strength is in spite of circumstances. You’ve lived through years of people trying to break you down and make you weak and you are strong in spite of those actions, so many people become weaker.

    1. It’s like laughing in spite of hurting. Thank you for stopping in and reading. It gives me faith in what I’m doing. It also goes a long way in helping me to heal.
      With much respect,

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