A Text…

I received a text message from Kim not too long ago.  Apparently an aunt of mine informed her that I didn’t want anything to do with her or my sister Suzie anymore.  So Kim decided to send me a text.  I shouldn’t be mad or hurt at what the text said but sadly, I am.  It’s a hollow kind of pain that makes me feel like there’s a big part of me that just went missing. A Text Message From Kim:

Don’t bother texting or calling me ever again because as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a daughter.

I didn’t respond.  I didn’t feel that it was worth a response but for whatever reason, I can’t get over this hollow feeling in my chest.  I’ve always known how she felt but this is the first time that it was said to my face.  I guess that is where this pain is coming from.

 

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9 thoughts on “A Text…

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  1. She seems to have treated you like that your whole life, yet seeing it in print from her probably feels like final confirmation. So it has struck hard and deep in your soul. Traumatic. Painful. Hurt-filled.

    It will take time for your soul to process it all.

    My opinion only.

  2. Your opinions do help and I know this is going to take time for me to process. Time seems to be the enemy in things like this. I want so much to be over the things that happened to me as a child… and even some of the things once I was out on my own. I haven’t cried over this yet… I know I will and I know that in the tears that do fall is the healing that I need.

    1. That’s right — the tears will help heal. They wash away the hurt.

      Please remember that, like a trauma to the body which takes time to heal from the inside out, so too will a trauma to the soul. In fact I believe soul-trauma takes longer to heal. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself plenty of time. Don’t put a limit on the time to heal — or set a schedule. Each soul heals at different speeds and each wound heals as slowly as it needs to if it’s going to heal completely. Think of your recent surgery, of how long it took, of the pain involved, of the rehab, of the tenderness that lingers/lingered, of the fragility of the fresh wound and how protective you had to be with it. Even more so for your soul!!

      1. I can be my own worst enemy at times. I get frustrated with myself and my feelings that (sometimes) I wish I could walk away from myself. This may sound crazy and I wouldn’t doubt it if it were.
        As much as Conall doesn’t like to read the stories that I write, he does simply to know what I’m going through. He didn’t have anything happen to him like what’s happened to me. When I get frustrated or mad at myself, he’s the one standing there telling me that it’s okay.
        I told him today that with the memories that have been coming out of the woodwork if I didn’t have him and my girls to put the focus elsewhere, I would most definitely have issues. I know that without his support, this blog would have never been started.
        As always, your words are such a huge support.
        Phoenix

  3. I became an “orphan” when I was 31 years old. My father told me to F*** Off and I had to break the relationship because it was so toxic to me, I couldn’t live with it anymore. It was hard to become orphaned at first. I felt like I was in a little dingy riding a huge ocean. When I was “hooked” on my father, he felt like an ocean liner I was attached to. Then, suddenly I was all by myself. It was terrifying. I went into therapy because I thought I was going to die. I didn’t know it then, but the reality was that I was being literally “scared to death” – literally!! However, I just want you to know that I learned (in therapy) that I was a lot bigger then a little dingy. Now I’ve been navigating these oceans for many, many years. Finally, I’m going where I want to go, not where I was being dragged by “him” (and my mother too). I found out I’ve become much better off – without them.
    love and luck to you.
    You can do this thing. I know you can.
    robin

    1. Robin,
      Thank you for your insight. That is a very accurate description of feelings. I totally relate to that right now. I’ve never had a good experience with therapists, so for now, I am okay with writing about my feelings. I never knew that writing would be such a release.
      Thank you so much for your thoughts!
      With much respect,
      Phoenix

  4. As survivor55 says phoenix she’ s treated you like that all your life and i quite agree, now youve seen it written it mut be like an arrow in your heart.
    To be told that must really hurt, but when you do get over crying, don’t waste any more tears over her. Take her text as a final contact that relieves you of any guilt or feeling of should i or what ifs.
    That letter is a final goodbye, so let it be that.
    You are so much more than she was and ever will be.
    I’m glad Connal is reading your blog and giving you support when you need it, and he’s right,it is ok to get angry and frustrated, and quite understandable.
    He sounds like a good man, one who loves you for you, no questions asked.
    Don’t let this nasty (i can’t day what i want to here) piece of work get to you Phoenix. Live your life looking to the future, not worrying about her.
    In your place I would be very tempted to reply to the text saying that’s ok, it just confirms what i knew already and as far as I’m concerned I haven’t had mother all my life. Welcome to my world without all the pain and hurt i went through…and by the way f**k you!!!
    I hope she hasn’t hurt you too much, she’s done enough already.
    Take care my dear friend,
    Happy new year to you and all your family, I hope it brings you peace and all the happiness you deserve.
    Love n hugs and all my best wishes
    xxx

  5. Hurtful messages via e-mail or text really have an extra sting to them. At least in person I can read their face or ask questions… One of my siblings tends to send stingers! Thankfully most of my e-mails are from friendlier sources. Hugs!

    Blessings ~ Wendy

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