I believe that there are both good and bad things about technology today. Social media allows for people to fulfill their needs for social interactions. People can share the stories of their lives, much like we all do here on WordPress. Grandparents can connect with their granddaughter from 1200 miles away. A wife can see her husband from the comfort of their home in the states while he’s deployed in Iraq.
Social media holds an element of freer for me. A very terrifying one.
I stopped speaking to my mother in November of 2012. I stopped speaking to Suzie around the same time. I removed them from any form of social media applications that I used. Phone numbers were blocked. I have not spoken to them since.
When I started writing my blog, out of fear, I wrote under a pseudo name. I took great care and went to great lengths to ensure that my WordPress account was not in any way associated with any other form of social media.
I went to these lengths because of the fear that I still, and may always will, harbor of Jack A. I came out of the ‘closet’ with my real name in October of 2013. It literally took me one year, three months, and eighteen days of looking over my shoulder before I felt safe enough to put my real name on my blog. I was still fearful of being found by Jack A.
One of the precautions that I took was removing any and every family member that might be able to trickle any information about me back to him. This morning, I think that my heart almost stopped. Facebook has that option where it will recommend people who you may know. Jack A. came up as a recommended person I might know.
All of the fear, anxiety, and torment came back with a vengeance. Choking me and making it impossible to breathe. Just when I felt that my heart was going to stop…
I discovered that he had another son. The soulless man procreated and the result was a THIRD biological child.
My heart sunk and it kept sinking until it reached hell. I would never wish my existence on anyone else to experience. I would never allow him to get near Suzie and even with me standing between Jack A. and my little sister, she came out damaged anyway.
It’s such a helpless and tormented emotion; an emotion I can’t name, to know that another child suffered that same existence. Just another child to be lost and afraid.